This has been an interesting question that many of you have asked over the years. As I have observed and helped many couples either move on or figure out what was going on, I have found a few simple answers to this complicated question. The answer to this question is the same answer to many other problems in everyone’s life, the fact that humans like simplicity and constants. Most people are opposed to change and see change as the enemy even if their current situation is in dire need of change.
This happens in many aspects of our life. We are in a job that we hate but don’t leave because either we think there are no other options or are forced to stay because of self inflicted obligations such as over extended debt load or improper planning, the first probably being the cause of the second. Maybe we are in a relationship that everyone knows is toxic, but we stay because change is hard.
There is a simple pattern here, the simple need for change in a situation that requires some action to see improvement. Maybe the relationship does not need a drastic change to see a drastic improvement, or maybe your job could simply be improved by changing your outlook and reducing the negative. In the end, bad situations require some sort of cause to have any sort of effect.
The question can then be simplified to, why does someone not change? First, to change requires some sort of action and commitment to an action. Without action there is no change, without change you will be exactly where you are today as you were yesterday. Second if you commit to change, stay committed to that action until change has been accomplished. The third and most important thing is to commit to actionable actions. This means create actions that you can actually do, like wake up in the morning with a smile instead of hatred or complacency, instead of actions like be happy or loose weight.
Back on topic, in the case of couples, applying the topic of change, most cases (unmarried) couples stay together because they don’t like to be alone – fear of change. Going from with something or someone, no matter how toxic, to being alone even though being alone would reduce stress and toxicity in your life is such a fearful change that it will normally take substantial negative influence to make it happen.
The same theories can apply to married couples however, in their case the change would have to be between both people to see if it is possible to save the marriage before it has gone to far in the wrong direction. Because marriage is not the same as someone you are dating. By the time you are married you have made a commitment to another person to stay with them through thick and thin no matter what. So lets hope you found the right person before you decided to get married. This makes solving complicated problems far more easy when you are both on the same track and lets hope you work out problems when they arrise instead of letting them build up for years, which can lead to explosions over small things.
I’m not sure if this topic can be answered in a single post. Over the years I have helped out many people through their relationship issues and have realized that each situation, being as unique as each person, all have a common theme. Change is evident so get ready, because if your life sucks right now you are going to have to start with the basics and implement changes before it can get better.
If anyone is having relationship issues and would like to have someone to talk to, please feel free to comment below and I can get in touch with you. I don’t have all the answers but sometimes its just good to talk to someone that doesn’t know anything about you and can look at things from a neutral perspective.